Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
