no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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