I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
