His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
