barbara walters just said penis...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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