dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
