He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
