About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wish there were birth control emojis
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
