in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
