I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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