You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I could fuck to npr.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
