My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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