Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
