Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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