I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
