For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
