i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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