Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
3pm strippers are depressing
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
