You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
