Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
