I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
