That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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