Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
