she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
