she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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