i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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