My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
