At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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