Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
