I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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