remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
