Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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