She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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