This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
