Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
