Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize