Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
