he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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