I think my vagina is haunted
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
