It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drake has all the answers
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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