where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
