so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
