If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
