I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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