We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
