if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
