I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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