Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize