i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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