Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
