I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
