i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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