If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
