i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
