I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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