Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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