i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
