Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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