I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
