there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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