If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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