I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
