I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
