New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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