Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His nipple licking is glorious
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