I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You need a sexual gate keeper
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
