HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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