I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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