Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
