you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
