I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
