my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
