I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
