he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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