i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
