This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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